This Is How We Do It: Asparagus

Chinese Backstreet Boys lip-sync band, how do I love thee?

Let me count the ways:

-The Backstreet Boys released “That Way” in 1998. The lip-sync di tutti lip-syncs above was recorded by three students calling themselves “Chinese Backstreet Boys” in 2005.  The Backstreet Boys were conceived with a shelf life of about a minute and a half in mind; however, seven full years later, the song still resonated to the point of inspiring this lovefest.  Now it’s 2011 and this song still has mindshare with me, thanks to these three superfans and the following magical moments:

-0:39: the botched “passing of the mic.” When the CBBs’ enthusiasm doesn’t wane a bit, you know you’re in for a classic.

-0:46: is Left Guy’s hand in a cast?

-0:53: Left Guy’s hand is in a cast!  This dude is a lip-sync warrior.

-1:10: Left Guy is FEELING IT!

-1:55: I think Right Guy is realizing he needs to step up his game here, and answers the call with a perfect to-the-beat head flip mid-lyric.

-2:55: A little controversy: did Right Guy intentionally loosen the headband, so it would slip off “in the heat of the moment” a few seconds later?  Or was the touching of the headband itself a result of Right Guy just plain lost in music? We’ll never know for sure, but that didn’t stop me from going frame-by-frame through that bit, Zapruder-style.

-3:22: Wow, the guy in the back working at his computer is never going to get up from his desk, is he?  But he appears to be wearing a Yao Ming replica home jersey, which plays beautifully off of the frontmen’s Yao Ming replica road jerseys.

But it’s more than that.  Really, it’s about love, the unbridled love and passion that these two guys have for pop music in general and “That Way” in particular. Every last bit of cool has been thrown out the window in favor of unabashed admiration and homage.  And regardless of what you may think about the object of this admiration, the purity of emotion demands respect.

I don’t quite feel that passionately about asparagus – how could you possibly? But as vegetables go, it’s one of the most perfect.  I’ll step out there and say that it’s the intrinsically tastiest of the green vegetables.  It also couldn’t be easier – one cut of the knife, some olive oil and salt, some broiler time, and that’s it.

When you're cooking with high heat, especially with vegetables, don't crowd the pan. Very important: DON'T CROWD THE PAN! Why? Because vegetables release a lot of water when cooked, and a lot of released water lowers the cooking temperature. Lower cooking temperature means no charring. No charring means less tasty. Kabam! Quod erat demonstrandum.

How much oil and salt? Easy: enough but not too much. For this amount of asparagus, I used a tablespoon or so of oil and 1/4 tsp of salt, but it's better for you to get a sense yourself: you want just enough to coat; not much should drip and pool in the pan. Salt I'm going to get into later, but the keys are (a) the dish should not taste salty but should taste as asparagus-y as possible (salt's primary benefit is as a flavor enhancer); (b) this will probably take more salt than you think.

With a broiler, you're relying on the unevenness of the heat - in this case, the extreme heat of the broiler should lightly char the asparagus by the time it's cooked through.

Shaking the pan will dislodge any asparagus that's starting to stick to the bottom, and will flip many of the asparagus over on their other side so they can take their turn with the big heat, much like a leathery 37-year-old on South Beach rolling over to expose her flanks to the noonday sun.

Easy like Sunday morning. The charring and the concentration of flavor from evaporation provides as much deliciousness as you'll need.

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